Nothing like starting a new year with something actually new...

Well, it has been one full week since I've moved down to the big VA, originally from MA I can say it is quite different. From the last post, you could guess, that I'm not use to big city traffic. Yeah, traffic in my city totally sucked when school was in session, but I don't think it could compare to this place. Most roads have 3+ lanes, highways... I don't even know which one I'm on half of the time, north, south, east, west? who knows, I always knew in my home town. Oh well, maybe if I paid more attention to the sun rather than the bastard drivers around here!

In any case, that has been fixed, Mr. Man T got me a TomTom! (New #1) The ultimate bossy device. I have to tell you guys... Phanus should get this thing. I have Janet speaking to me... Janet is from England, someday I will speak with an accent just like her! I also learned another road term, the roundabout. (New #2)

Settling in to a new unfurnished apartment is always hard. The walk-in closet is unfortunately not big enough for two sets of wardrobe. We have no drawers, so half of my stuff is still in my suitcase, the other half is still in my car. You guys use to think I lived in my car before? Psh, you haven't seen anything yet. In any case, it is hard to clean and organize when you have no place to put things... painting hasn't been completed... I guess I should start working on that since I am jobless and all. Here are some pictures though for your enjoyment.
It has 2 bedrooms, 2 baths, 1 loft, 1 balcony. I like, I can't wait until the summer!
and everybody's favorite, a spiral staircase:

I've gone up there ONCE.

Ah... Christmas, I never really posted anything about this year's holiday. (BTW, Merry Christmas everybody!!!) What can I say? It was a very different Christmas from what I am use to. I wasn't out doing crazy shopping for anyone. I actually am still going to be buying Christmas gifts though... but I'd rather wait until I get a secure job offer, so do you think they'll still be selling wrapping paper at the end of January?

As for Christmas Eve and Christmas itself, it was quite interesting. I met all of Mr. Man T's cousins and some aunts and uncles all at once. (New #3) I pretty much stepped into the house without him, and his cousin loudly introduced me. What could I do? I just used both my hands and waved. Then I ran to the corner. I am so glad I did not get bombarded with Vietnamese questions. No, I do not mean questions in Vietnamese, I mean the typical Vietnamese questions parents ask. A few of the cousins were sweet enough to actually buy me presents. I thought that was great, everything I got was very nice, especially Mr. Man T's Burberry gift card. I also got to eat one of my favs, Bun Bo Hue! All in all, I wasn't really hassled by anyone, and everybody was super friendly to me and I was super quiet to myself so it worked out swell.

On Christmas, I got to hang out with one of Mr. Man T's favorite cousin, Miss Saigon. Miss Saigon, was her AOL screen name, and she is pretty much the whole reason how Mr Man T and I met. In any case, we went to watch that new Rocky film, which was eh.. and then had dinner at Miss Saigon's house. We had interesting conversations...until her little sister came home. That's when the stories got REALLY entertaining. I haven't heard fun and funny stories like that in a long time. I thought, it was a great way to end Christmas night.

Well this post was pretty much a long babble of babbles. I promise I'll try to stop and start posting normally again.

I wonder if I can tomtom my way back to the cousin's house to eat some left over bbh....

!!!

Hello from VA!!!!! I have relocated and have no job, no family and no uh..friends, well one. The one I live with. =] My short update:

1. My condo is muy nice-o
2. Traffic here sucks hairy monkey balls
3. My area is muy nice-o
4. Interviews are tiring
5. Traffic here sucks hairy monkey balls

There should be a rule...

If you're going to ask me for my opinion/advice:

And I put some thought, time and effort in answering you, you should HAVE to follow it.

If you just want to hear me talk (because I have funny insights) tell me before hand and I'll come up with something and won't be mad at you for 10 seconds while you NOT listen to me.

Geezus!

The Ultimate Statement

I had a nice fun-filled very private conversation with a super good friend of mine. About. My. Cycle. He's a pharmacists. Knowing him personally, I don't know if I would ever trust him to be MY pharmacists, but I do know that he knows his stuff. Most of the time. Anyway I talked to him about me switching my birth control method and how my doctor confused the shit out of me. He recommended to me what birth control pill I should probably be on. The effects of any birth control and for some reason he was really worried about breast tenderness. Trust me Mr. Doctor, that's the least of my worries. I was getting constant headaches, extreme mood swings, exhausted all the time, very irritable, very emotional... seriously, I just thought I was becoming a total bitch. So, I tried to switch some things around to see if it will change things.

First I'd like to say, if this makes me gain weight, I will immediately go off of it.
Secondly, Mr. Doctor, I didn't get the names of what you recommended, can you email me that again? (Just in case these Apris suck.)
Thirdly... is it me or do Target have really heart-felt-feel-good commercials?
(Just started the Apris today.)

Someone let me know if they think I'm changing.

Thanks!

Milestone #? - 8 years in the making (yes a repeat post)

I'd like to first start off by saying, Blogger Beta, you disappointed me yesterday. I needed you yesterday, and you just weren't there for me. You were down! You kept telling me to refresh after 30 seconds! I did, again and again. But you didn't care and I thought about my Xanga days and almost went back to it like a bad ex. I didn't. I was good and held strong and now you're here again.

Anyway, a whirlwind of things have been happening lately. Yesterday was unexpectedly my last day of classes. My last day as an undergraduate. Yes, I AM F I N A L L Y DONE WITH SCHOOL!!!
Unexpectedly because I was suppose to have another paper due next Tuesday. However, my professor is a little nutso with assignments and just said to me (after I was done with my final presentation) that I was finito! Complete, no more see you later, just goodbye and good luck.
And just like that my 8 years of on and off dating with classes/courses/school was done. And just like that I'm considered one of the other many Americans who have their Bachelor's degree and am suppose to be making 37% more than my high school graduates without a degree.
But it wasn't just like that. I do remember the half-ass studying, the half-ass paper writing, the staying at work to finish a paper, the presentations, the hating some professors, late night or all nighters, procastinating, the dollars and dollars and dollars spent on courses.

Boy, am I ever glad that it is over.

Now for a MBA? Maybe... If it took me 8 years to finish a 4 year college degree, maybe it'll only take me 4 to finish a 2 year masters program.

WoOT!

Speaking of fabulous places, created an oasis-

Sorry for the lack of update. Lots have been happening as well as nothing at all. I've lost my ability to update at work again but not because of access. I'm training and only have three weeks left at my place so I want to tie up loose ends before I'm done and say farewell.

I took the boxes out of my car today and started to pack away my books. Then I start thinking if I should really take them with me or not. Is it pretentious of me to want to start my own collection of books? (Includes one kid book and mangas). Heh. Who knows. All I know is that, my favorite book, "The Little Prince" is missing still.

As I rummaged through my books and wiped cobwebs off of them I found random things I used as bookmarks. Christmas cards, a birthday card from my Mom- what year I don't even remember, pictures, receipts, engagement invitations. Everything brought good memories. Everything brought bad.

My how a year goes by so fast, so slow, so sad, so mad
and everything was swallowed with smiles, with tears, with menace, with desire
and out came life.

"Thank you for calling _______, how may I piss you off today?"

I've done my share of customer service in a call center. I failed at it, not at the actual servicing the customer part, but for the building the rapport version of it. It was a rule, 3-5 minutes per call. Be nice, polite, build rapport, service the customer and leave an everlasting image of my company that we are the best! This of course, knocked heads with my own belief that people are calling in to get shit done and not to make a 3 minute friend/counselor (though some really want to). All my call times? Below 3 minutes. Shit, I was like 2 customer service representatives built in 1. You'd think they'd be happy. I remember when I was just a temp. and I did a withdrawal for this dude within 2 minutes. He was super happy with me. I wish there were more people out there to service ME better... all within less than 3 minutes. Now to think of it, the next time I have to call an 800 number and they ask, "how may I help you today?" I should say, you can start by timing yourself, and if you can't assist me within 3 minutes to pass me along to someone who can.

Better yet, if you cannot verify me within 3 minutes, pass me along to someone who can.

I called Verizon Wireless today.
He asked what he could do to help.
I said I need to talk about my bill.
Then, the guy asked me for my name, address, last 4 digits of ssn, secret password, work number.
After all this crap, he must have forgotten what the call was about because he then continued to ask if I had an email on the account, if I knew I could access my account online and if to dial * something something to update my phone every two months, and if I wanted to put my work number on file.
I said, "listen" (I get this tone of voice from Mr. Man T.) "I already know allllllll this stuff... I just need to talk about my bill alright??"
"oh okay okay okay"
me: ::fuming::

So I said, Look under my 8550 bill, page 20, I'm being charged, for an "in-Verizon" call. Why?
"oh okay let me see, what page?"
"page 20....."
"oh our pages are different, what date?"
"11/7, that's NOVEMBER 7th"
"Okay... where are you getting charged at?"


I had to be silent for awhile count to 3 and backwards and forwards again and threw a piece of paper at my cube mate. Hi Verizon Wireless, I'm a loyal customer, please train your associates to read your OWN bill. Thank you.

"The call from 8165, that's a Verizon number, why am I being charged?"
"Ohh noo the dashes mean you're not being charged, we're just keeping track of the minutes you used."
"What? No, you're not looking at the right bill. Look at 8550 not 8165"
"oh, okay okay okay"

Repeat x3.

Ultimately Daniel said, yeah, I shouldn't have been charged, he has to add up all those minutes (it will take him to 2pm) and call me back.

Of course I'm adding them up myself to make sure.
Of course I don't expect a phone call back and will be calling them at 3.

At least he didn't talk to me about the weather... that's the worse.

I'm like the cheerleader... but without the whole cheer thing.


Over the weekend I was fortunate enough to watch an all girls football scrimmage. Sweaty girls running around half tackling each other and falling all over the place?! Awesome!! I love them girls that are athletic. It's something I envy since I was always the bookish/cheerleader type. You know, the cheerleader without the cheer, because being peppy and enthusiastic took way too much damn energy and I was just to cool to be jumping up and down for retarded boys. But I look good in a damn short skirt. Not that I ever wore a cheerleader outfit... but I was some sort of cheerleader in elementary school and middle school and now that's too far for me to remember and talk about how that happened.

I blame it on my mom that I'm not as outdoorsy or athletic as I should be. She was nervous that I'd hurt myself. So all I did during elementary school that was sportsy was Chinese jump rope. Are you done laughing yet? During middle school I was too awkward to join any clubs. I got rejected from chorus.... let me know when you finish laughing again... and I was too utterly busy being amused by Mikki beating up girls that were bigger than her. Now I know most mothers are freakishly over protective of their daughters sometimes but you do know that my mom started a cult right? That's how influential she is. Also, me being hit by a football right smack on the nose in elementary school made me realize that holy crap my mom is right and I will never get near something so hard and stupidly fun in my life. In any case, every time someone tries to throw a football (or any type of ball), plush or not at me I just move out of the way and let it bounce right by me. So when I got asked to play as well, I had to stop myself from saying HELLLLLLLLLLL NO to the girls' faces. I just smiled and shook my head.

My view from the sideline was better anyway.
By the way, the sight of a bunch of 5 foot 100lb something Asian girls taking down a team bigger than them? Priceless.

Happy World Vegan Day!! ...Now join my parents' cult!

My parents in the wake of having more time to do things on their own and less time taking care and cooking for their kids have formed a cult. They've reached out to the city's community of friendless? people and meet with them every Thursday night. In the mean time, they've also reached out to the old and gullible Buddhist community at not one but two Buddhist pagodas (every Sunday and Tuesday). What is the purpose of their cult? Tai Chi. That's right. Tai Chi. Oh but no it's not just an exercise for your body and mind... no no not to my parents. Tai Chi apparently is the cure to EVERYTHING.

Of course being the child of cult leaders, I'd be one of the first people they would try to get to join. I think they are trying to get me to join their Tai Chi work outs so that younger people will see me and want to join too. I would be the hip icon that young ones would look up to and peers would want to be. Little did my parents know I am definitely not that icon. I'm the icon the young ones want to pick on (and hit for some apparent reason) and that my peers definitely do not want to be. So I politely declined.

Of course being cult leaders, they can't just ask. They have to give the reason on why I SHOULD join.

Eternal peace with my mind body and soul? Something like that... my mom always shares stories on how my dad had really really really bad allergies during the fall. Since he's done Tai Chi... no more! (Wow) My dad has always had a bigger belly (who doesn't at his age?), ever since he's done Tai Chi... no more! (Wow) (Okay, I really have to wow! at this one, because he really did lose his belly. That man is FIT... but how else would he be able to influence people to follow his cult??) This old lady "that they know" had arthritis problems, but ever since she's done Tai Chi... no more! (Wow) Wait, one more. This fat man that my mom knows told her that he use to be miserable when he went into work and when people tried to talk to him he was mean and sucked... well ever since he started doing Tai Chi... no more! (double wow)

Happiness for fat people?

Health for old people?

No allergies?!

No thanks. Tai Chi doesn't cure my laziness.

However, I am thinking of making a t-shirt for my parent's cult. Anyone have cool cult names that won't get my old Asian parents arrested??

Milestone #? - 8 Years in the Making

Yesterday marked one of the major milestones in my life. Yesterday, I left work at 4:00PM. Got to my college at 4:30PM, handed over my Visa card and paid $50.00 for my Diploma that will be mailed to me by the end of January 2007. Yes, it has taken me 8 years for me to finally finish my Bachelor of Arts degree in Communication. A few thoughts ran through my head as I was doing this (as I was sorta pissy for them not accepting an AMEX gift cheque... helloooooo who doesn't accept AMEX gift cheques? They're like, actual cash, they can't bounce, I don't have a bill to pay, wtf school? wtf!) I always thought that the $10,000 in school loans and $5,000+ in credit card bills was paying for my college diploma. Obviously, I was totally wrong, it will be the $50.00 dent in my checking account that pays for the diploma! I had the option of writing how my name was to appear on the diploma. I contemplated a few names.

Dr. Hanh

Super Hanh! (exclamation point needed)

Hanh (Vietnamese accent marks included)

Oh my God I can't believe you are mine. Love, Hanh

I paid $50.o0 and all I got was this lousy piece of sh!t.

Hanh says bow to me.

(I know I'm so full of myself, but you knew that because I have a blog.) Anyway, I was thinking if I wrote down any of the above and they didn't write that as is could I ask for my $50.00 back? If I didn't want to dish out the money and didn't get a diploma, does that mean I actually didn't graduate? Will I ever display my diploma in my office? Should I wrap it up and give it to my parents as a gift because that's one out of the three things they really want out of me? (1. College degree, 2. For me to have a Family (proof that I'm not a loser), 3. For me to give them money). I think once I get my diploma, I will throw down a couple of drinks, yell and cry at it, tell it some secrets, put it in a box and seal that shit shut.

What did or would you do with your college diploma?

Holloween Misc.

What is it about the Halloween holiday that it brings out the skimpiness in females? Why is it all of a suddenly okay to wear the outfit that shows the most arms/legs/cleavage on the coldest day where most kids will see you?

Why? Why? Why?

I do have to admit though... it is scary. So without further ado, what should I be for Halloween?

----

If I have a daughter in the future, she will not be able to dress up as a princess/maid/school girl... what does that leave her for a costume? I'll put a brown paper bag over her head and let her go as a loser. Now that's scary!

---

I saw a Care Bear costume at Target the other day and I wanted my niece to be a Care Bear. I said, "please please please it would be so cool!!!!!" She said, "umm..." ::diverts eyes:: "wow look at Dora!!" Sigh... 6 years old and already too cool for her aunt.

----

For some reason, for Halloween, I want to dress in a Care Bear outfit and DDR or Karaoke. That would definitely make my holiday.

---

I would also like to do that for Christmas and New Years as well.

----

I suppose the first step would to be invited to a Halloween party...

---

Feel sorry for me yet? Chocolate makes me happy.

I Fear. - Part 1. The Dark/Night


I fear the dark. No, let me take that back. I fear the night. I sleep fine in the dark. I sleep fine alone in the dark. I sleep fine at night. I sleep fine alone at night. (Most of the time.) Let me explain...

The first time I realized I was scared of the night was back when I was about 7 years old. We lived in this old house in Wisconsin. I was in bed (bottom of a bunk bed). For some reason the lamp was on. I had my eyes wide open and I imagined... I repeat, I IMAGINED a dark shadow figure floating towards me. Slowly it crept... quietly, darkly, intentionally. I got scared. I started to cry. Cry quietly. Why quietly you may ask? Why wasn't I like a normal kid and screamed for my life? Well, because I knew I was imagining it. I knew, it was all in my head. As soon as I looked away the scary shadow would be gone... would no longer be creeping towards me. But I always looked back. I don't know why... I had to question myself if it was still there. Every time I looked it would still be looming towards me... but it never got to me. Coincidently what seemed to be 10 minutes later my mom came into my room and checked on us. Maybe she heard me crying or maybe she noticed my light was still on I don't know. All I know is that she asked why I was crying. And I couldn't answer her. I couldn't say I'm imagining something scary and I KNOW it's all in my head but it's still scaring the shit out of me and that is why I am crying. So... I told her my stomach was hurting. She gave me medicine and I fell asleep. (Wow even when I was younger I knew how the drugs worked!)

During my teenage years, my brain must have been growing all out of wack because horror movies were my favorite. Every horror movie that came out I wanted to watch. I loved being scared. Now? Now not so much. I'm crazy shit paranoid. All those movies I watched, all those scary monsters, dolls, clowns, dead people, etc.? I can see them clearly in my head and that's the worse. Sometimes when I'm lying there at night time I could just see the girl from The Exorcist, out of no where, and I would be totally freaked out.

The last time I saw X-Files (this is to prove how really gay I am, because really, who the hell is afraid of X-Files?) there was this man who rolled himself on a flat board with wheels... he was small and he couldn't walk. That man would somehow crawl into people's bodies and take over their skin. Anyway, after I watched that show I kept imagining him. In the bathroom (at night, with the lights on), in my bedroom, in the kitchen. Anytime it was night out.. and I had the lights on, I would still see him or feel him behind me.

Of course I don't cry anymore... I mean that would just be wack... I have more self control over my over-active imagination... I just wonder why they still creep in my mind like that? Is it some sort of rush my body needs so my mind scares myself? Who knows... all I know is that, no more X-Files, no more scary movies even though its PG-13. I'm a wuss. At least I imagine that I am.

...I'm also not a morning person but that's a whole other post.

Depressed and Suicidal, Every Monday - Friday, 8:45A.M, 1:20PM, 5:30PM

Since I'm older and more "mature" now, I try to keep up with current events so that I don't look like I live in a box and have imaginary friends. My source of choice? http:://news.yahoo.com. (Sorry Google, your news page just doesn't do it for me). Well every time I'm done reading the articles I want to cry and cry and wonder why I do this to myself and how the world hasn't totally blown up yet or that there are dead bodies at my door.

People chopping each other up and sticking them in an oven? Check.

Natural disasters that happen to our own country that no one cares about? Check.

No fucking respect for the already dead? Check.

Still no peace in the middle east? Check.

People who give a shit about celebrities' lives? Check.

It's all super depressing to me... Every time I'm done with the world news, I'm heartbroken for the people who will never have a chance at living a life without fear of being raped, jailed or killed. Everybody still wants to rule the world. A world where one can lavish in alcohol and look like a superstar while another is drowning in alcohol and looks like death.

A world where children sew clothes for grains of rice where people spend hundreds of dollars on the same clothes.

A world where sex is sold for a profit.

And a profit is lied about to benefit the already wealthy.

Who wants to rule this world?

You can have it. Back to my box and talented cartoonist/blogger!

Hip-hip!

edit: I think if zombies really existed, people would really think about killing one another.

mMm... you smell like you want to punch me in the face.

I could honestly say that I've travelled more in these last 12 months than I have in my whole lifetime. Not saying that travelling isn't fun or anything because I love new things and I love new environment and I love how people dress/act/talk differently depending what state they live in. What isn't fun is the actual travel part. The 2 hour drive to the airport in game day/rush hour traffic. The run through the airport. The waiting in line through security. The taking off your shoes to have them scanned and standing on that icky gross bacteria infected floor (and feeling way short) all to find out that your flight has been delayed for 2 hours. Therefore, you have to wait on ass-numbing seats and find ways to amuse yourself and not go crazy with the voices in your head.

Anyway, I'm always reading crap about how guys say it sucks when they get turned down and in turn girls say the guys are the ones who need to make the move. Somewhere down the line, someone made a list of "mack lines" that boys may use. This in turn has forced real guys to try to get creative to let the girl know he is interested without the risk of sounding corny and plain dumb. Well, that's all fine and dandy but hello internet world, is there a list out there where guys shouldn't use. Or, is there a *ding* in your head to tell you that you probably shouldn't be using that line?

Okay, what do the two have in common? Well, I'm glad I asked. So with me being in 79% bitch mode because of the traffic I was totally not in the mood when the "security guard" (the one who checks your i.d. and ticket before going through security) said to me, "You smell good."

I said, "WHAT?!" (It could have been you smiled good, I don't know)
he looked down and said more quietly, "You smell good."
I said, "DID YOU JUST SAY I SMELL GOOD??!?!"
he handed back my stuff and whispered, "...yes"

Dude, highly inappropriate! I wanted to punch him but thought I was going to be late for my flight. Silly me....

Because I'm a Girl, part 1

Amazingly, sometimes good things come out of working. I get fwds, AND, I actually read them. It's a great breaker between my blog reading and um... working. So approximately 4 weeks I go I got this wonderful fwd from a friend in regards to eyeslipsface products. All makeup products AND tools AND cases for a dollar?! I don't believe.

So of course I half-assed researched the site... decided to get Mr. Man T's opinion and he said hey, why not??

So we ordered... 2 weeks went by and I was furious. I wanted makeup to play with! Their website doesn't work! (I couldn't log on into my account.) I did a little more research and I read some reviews on them, some bad but most good... so I decided to push it out of my mind and not go into a frenzy. Of course I also wasn't too worried because Mr. Man T said that they didn't even charge his cc yet. After bitching and complaining to Mr. Man T some more before letting it go he ninjaly called them and basically said, "hey, give my woman her makeup or..._______"

Whataya know, 4 weeks later I get this huge box and my makeup came in!!

Most of my makeup on my bed. (I forgot to take a picture and I already opened up a few of them)

You can buy the compacts pre-filled our fill them with any color or products yourself. I'm mostly an eyeshadow kind-of-girl. So that was 70% of my colors. You can mix and match between eyeshadow, lip color, or blush. The colors are easy to take out and of course refill!

All my new makeup in a bag. Yes it's a lot.

I tested some colors and they are okay. I'd rate it 7 out of 10. Maybe as good as products you'd find at normal shops (cvs,target) I tried an eyeshadow but it didn't stay intact all day... kinda melted. (I'm not one to retouch.) The lip gloss/chap stick works well. The brush hair isn't immediately falling out like some brushes you buy.

Best part? They all have spf15. (Cheap and good!)

Bestest part. Still 1 dollar each. Shipping 5 dollars (flat rate)

Would I shop there again? Hell yea. Husbands/boyfriends, let your significant other know... actually don't, just buy them a bunch and watch their eyes light up like it's Christmas!!!

(Please also clear bathroom space for the makeup)

My fucking base is under fucking attack....

fucker.

The Asian in me started playing this game back in college years and the boredom in me has started up again. Since I do have more self control now I've only played a few games so far and have not played until 4a.m. or until I had to go to work. Anyway, as the people I have to work with piss me off I think of how I wish I could send over some 2 inch zealots and destroy someones desk and torture them as they go "aHh!" to their ultimate death.

I've only learned how to play the Protoss race and refuse to move on until I have ultimately mastered it. (Never.) Don't worry, me playing starcraft is not time spent in vain. I definitely get some practice on scolding and comforting... that's right, sc helps my future parenting skills.

When my zealot is about to go attack, I yell, "go! go! go!" translates to - when my kid is getting ready for school, I will yell "go! go! go!"

When my zealot dies and fails at an attempt to kill and conquer, I say, "aw, don't worry z' you have not died in vain. Revenge!!" translates to - when my kid fails to score (well) at a test/game, I will say, "aw don't worry z' you have not failed in vain...next game/test, REVENGE!!!"

When my stupid fat goons get stuck in some idiotic corner and can't get out, I say, "fuck you fat fucks stop being a waste of a space and attack!" translates to - when my kid becomes overweight and can't walk up the stairs and I'm stuck behind him, I will say, ".... you're wasting space! Attack!! (the stairs)"

When my peon isn't working and instead is stuck in some corner and unable to get out. ::aim cannon at peon. kills peon:: translates to - When my kid isn't doing his homework and is instead stuck in some corner and unable to get out. ::aim cannon at kid...::

So, if you'd like a free win or continue my quest to be more loving to my future kids, you can find me in SC at oh.no

gg.

p.s. yes, i can blog at work (yay!)

hello my name is hanh and this is my blog.
that's the only intro you'll get.

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My bf, Mr. Man T., is a master chef in disguise of a jeweler. Since he hasn't been able to bestow his cooking abilities lately he has outsourced his gianormous talents in cooking on me. Me, who has not cooked a single dish (besides eggs/instant noodles/beef & [insert vegetable here]) for 24 years of my existing life. Me, who burnt the one time I tried to cook chicken fried steak. Me, who only made cake out of a box (woot). Me.

My mom has told me numerous times that I will never be able to cook for my husband which made me insist on finding a husband who would be able to cook for me. (So far I am on track.)

Anyway, since I'm as n00b as you can get with cooking, I thought I'd share some hard dishes in an easy to do way for anyone who likes living on the edge of a butcher knife for once.

Hanh trying to cook take 4.5

Bun Bo Hue! Translated: Noodles Beef Hue (city in Vietnam)!

Elements:
Beef Shank (2-5lbs depending how much meat you likey)
Bun Bo Hue Powder 1 (ask the Asian Market lady)
Onion 1
Lemongrass 4 (ask the Asian Market lady)
Garlic (lots)
Pig leg (2-4 legs depending how much pig legs you likey)
Shrimp sauce in brine 1 jar (ask the Asian Market lady)
MSG (if you want your mother to yell at you)
Chicken Broth 4 cans
Rice Vermicelli 2 packages

Shrimp chips 1 bag (to eat while you're prepping)

For the rest of the ingredients I will assume you have in your kitchen... if not I give you this face -_-

The rest is going to go really fast cuz details suck and all the n00bs know that we'll lose interest if it seems to complicated in 5 nano seconds so ready set, go!

Take two pots, one medium size (enough to fit your pig legs) and one b i g (for the broth).
Boil both separately.

Rub salt on your pig legs, like you're massaging oil on a fat lady's thighs.
Medium water comes to boil, throw pig legs in. Take out after 20 mins after water boils up again.
Meanwhile slice up your beef. This shit is hard, you must have a sharp knife. If you don't go out and buy one. Now. or ask your neighbor.
Slice..
Slice..
Slice..

Put the sliced meat up in a big bowl. Slice up a whole onion and add that too.
Also throw in Shrimp sauce like 6 big spoon fulls, don't go cheap on that shit.
Take the bottom of the lemongrass (the whitish part) and about 8 cloves of garlic. Put it in a food processor and chop it up. Add that with the beef as well.
3-4 tablespoons of sugar
1 tablespoon of pepper
2 tablespoons of msg (again, if you want your mom to yell at you)
6-7 sprites of fish sauce. No fish sauce?! Asian market lady.
Add one packet of bun bo hue powder

(all numbers are estimates cuz I won't know how much meat ya'll will use. Anyway, less is better (for now) you can always add flavor after the fact. Man I feel so smart right now...

By this time your pig legs should be done, take that shit out and rinse with cold water. Then drop it in with your chicken broth. Add a can of water too.

Fry the meat in a big pan or pot. Fry your meat for about 10-15 minutes. Dump it into the chicken broth
Boil for 1 1/2 hours.
Take one lemongrass and bash the bottom of it. Throw that in the pot.
Cook for another 30 minutes.

Cook your rice vermicelli... uh follow directions on the bag (its kinda like spaghetti)


Put rice vermicelli in a bowl. Pour broth over bowl. Add green onions, cilantro and bean sprouts.




Eat that shit with chopsticks.
Cry from the spiciness and that you've made one of the most popular Vietnamese dishes. Ever.

Damage:

4 Hours (includes shopping time)
Approx 30. dollars (feeds 10+ ppl)
Your mom yelling at you for using msg (and perhaps chicken broth from a can)
Tears from cutting an onion
Food coma

Enjoy!

hanh.

.:testing:.